Make-Up Ritual
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Description
A short sequence of gestures - chosen by the two of you when things are calm - that you return to after a disagreement. The ritual isn't about resolving the conflict; it's a signal that you're back on solid ground.
Play guide
- 1Choose a quiet moment when everyone is calm - not right after a disagreement. Tell your child - "Sometimes we argue. After, I want us to have something we always do to say we're okay. Want to make it up together?"
- 2Together, pick 2-3 small gestures. These might be a specific kind of hug, a silly handshake, saying a short phrase together, or touching foreheads. Let your child have meaningful say in what goes in.
- 3After any conflict - once the immediate heat has passed - one of you initiates it. Either person can go first. Keep it short - the whole sequence should take under a minute.
- 4Don't add words of explanation or re-hashing during the ritual itself. The gestures are the signal; the words can come later if needed, separately.
- 5If your child isn't ready when you initiate, wait. "I'll be here when you're ready for our thing."
Success signals
Your child initiates the ritual first sometimes - without being asked. The sequence becomes shorthand that both of you recognise. It starts to feel like a reset rather than a formal procedure
If it's tricky
Child refuses right after a conflict: Don't push - the ritual needs both people. Wait until you can see they've settled, then try. One of the gestures starts to feel wrong: Redesign it together in a calm moment. Child wants to use the ritual as a shortcut to avoid a necessary conversation: Keep both - the ritual signals connection is restored; the conversation can still happen later. You forget to do it after some conflicts: That's fine - rituals don't require perfection to work